Episode 55 | Transcript

Xinqing 00:02: 大家好，欢迎回来我们的瞎扯学中文新的一期节目。
Xinqing 00 :02 : dà​jiā hǎo, huān​yíng huí​lai wǒ​men de xiā​chě xué Zhōng​wén xīn de yì qī jié​mù.
Xinqing 00:02: Hello everyone, welcome back to our new episode of “Learning Chinese Through Nonsense”.

今天是我们的新年的节目，然后邀请到了一个一位非常有趣，然后非常特殊的嘉宾。
jīn​tiān shì wǒ​men de xīn​nián de jié​mù, rán​hòu yāo​qǐng dào le yí gè yí wèi fēi​cháng yǒu​qù, rán​hòu fēi​cháng tè​shū de jiā​bīn.
Today is our New Year’s program, and we have invited a very interesting and special guest.

Alma！
A lma!
Alma!

她其实是: 前我们有一期节目菲利普，大家是不是还记得有一个中文说得很好的意大利人，意大利男生，Alma是他的女朋友: 所以今天也很高兴能够邀请到Alma来聊一聊。
tā qí​shí shì : qián wǒ​men yǒu yì qī jié​mù Fēi lì pǔ, dà​jiā shì​bù​shì hái jì​de yǒu yí gè Zhōng​wén shuō de hěn hǎo de Yì​dà​lì​rén, Yì​dà​lì nán​shēng, A lma shì tā de nǚ​péng​you : suǒ​yǐ jīn​tiān yě hěn gāo​xìng néng​gòu yāo​qǐng dào A lma lái liáo yì liáo.
She is actually: We had a program before, Philip. Do you still remember that there was an Italian guy, an Italian boy, who spoke Chinese very well, and Alma was his girlfriend: So I am very happy to invite Alma to chat today. .

你: Alma跟大家打一个: 呼好吗？
nǐ : A lma gēn dà​jiā dǎ yí gè : hū hǎo ma?
You: Alma calls everyone: Hello?

Alma: 大家好: 非常高兴受到Xinqing的邀请来参加这个pass，然后我也是因为菲利普也认识了Podcast，我觉得非常的好，非常的支持，所以非常高兴今天也能够来这边跟大家一起聊一聊。
A lma: dà​jiā hǎo : fēi​cháng gāo​xìng shòu​dào Xinqing de yāo​qǐng lái cān​jiā zhè​ge pass, rán​hòu wǒ yě shì yīn​wèi Fēi lì pǔ yě rèn​shi le P odcast, wǒ jué​de fēi​cháng de hǎo, fēi​cháng de zhī​chí, suǒ​yǐ fēi​cháng gāo​xìng jīn​tiān yě néng​gòu lái zhè​biān gēn dà​jiā yī​qǐ liáo yì liáo.
Alma: Hello everyone: I am very happy to be invited by Xinqing to participate in this pass. Then I also met Podcast because of Philip. I think it is very good and very supportive, so I am very happy to be here to chat with you today. chat.

Xinqing 01:03: Alma其实也有自己: 一个podcast，对不对？
Xinqing 01 :03 : A lma qí​shí yě yǒu zì​jǐ : yí gè podcast, duì bú duì?
Xinqing 01:03: Alma actually has her own: a podcast, right?

Alma 01:07: 它其实是一个channel，我们在YouTube，b站，就是中文的一个中国的一个类似于YouTube的软件的平台，然后一些小视频的网站上面有我们做的是视频，但是也是长视频，就以聊天的内容为主。
A lma 01 :07 : tā qí​shí shì yí gè channel, wǒ​men zài YouT ube, b zhàn, jiù​shì Zhōng​wén de yí gè Zhōng​guó de yí gè lèi​sì yú YouT ube de ruǎn​jiàn de píng​tái, rán​hòu yī​xiē xiǎo​shì pín de wǎng​zhàn shàng​miàn yǒu wǒ​men zuò de shì shì​pín, dàn​shì yě shì cháng shì​pín, jiù yǐ liáo​tiān de nèi​róng wéi​zhǔ.
Alma 01:07: It is actually a channel. We are on YouTube, station b, which is a Chinese software platform similar to YouTube. Then some small video websites have videos that we make, but they are also long-term. Video is mainly about chat content.

Xinqing 01:27: 对，上次我也看了一期节目，正好，然后看的那一期正好是Alma和菲利普两个: 聊天，Alma这个节目也挺: 意思的，每次都是在一个天台上面录。
Xinqing 01 :27 : duì, shàng​cì wǒ yě kàn le yì qī jié​mù, zhèng​hǎo, rán​hòu kàn de nà yì qī zhèng​hǎo shì A lma hé Fēi lì pǔ liǎng gè : liáo​tiān, A lma zhè​ge jié​mù yě tǐng : yì​si de, měi​cì dōu shì zài yí gè Tiān​tāi shàng​miàn lù.
Xinqing 01:27: Yes, I also watched an episode of the program last time, and it happened to be exactly right. The episode I watched happened to be about Alma and Philip: Chatting, Alma is also a good program: interesting, every time it is in the same place Recorded on the rooftop.

Alma 01:41: 对也观众朋友们有兴趣也可以关注一下，叫天台梦想家。
A lma 01 :41 : duì yě guān​zhòng péng​you men yǒu xìng​qù yě kě​yǐ guān​zhù yī​xià, jiào Tiān​tāi mèng​xiǎng​jiā.
Alma 01:41: Audience friends who are interested can also pay attention to it, called Rooftop Dreamer.

Xinqing 01:47: 对可以打一个广告，回头我把 Alma节目的视频放: 我们的part cast这一期节目的下面。
Xinqing 01 :47 : duì kě​yǐ dǎ yí gè guǎng​gào, huí​tóu wǒ bǎ A lma jié​mù de shì​pín fàng : wǒ​men de part cast zhè yì qī jié​mù de xià​miàn.
Xinqing 01:47: Yes, you can place an advertisement. I will put the video of the Alma program: our part cast below this episode.

Alma 01:56: 好的，太感谢了。
A lma 01 :56 : hǎo de, tài gǎn​xiè le.
Alma 01:56: Okay, thank you so much.

Xinqing 01:59: 对，然后今天正好想跟Alma聊一聊关于很有趣的话题，我一直都很想找一个人聊。
Xinqing 01 :59 : duì, rán​hòu jīn​tiān zhèng​hǎo xiǎng gēn A lma liáo yì liáo guān​yú hěn yǒu​qù de huà​tí, wǒ yī​zhí dōu hěn xiǎng zhǎo yí gè rén liáo.
Xinqing 01:59: Yes, and today I just wanted to talk to Alma about a very interesting topic. I have always wanted to find someone to talk to.

是关于异国恋，也就是一对情侣，两个人来自不同的国家或者是不同的文化背景，特别是像我跟Alma我这边的情况: 我是相当于土生土长的中国人，我是上海长大，然后第一次出国其实是23岁大学毕业以后才出国留学，然后现在我的老公大家也知道我嫁给了一个美国人，然后我们住在欧洲，所以我们两个之间的 relationship，情侣关系之间有的时候也会出现一些文化差异，然后Alma的情况你也可: 跟大家介绍一下，然后想聊聊关于文化差异的话题。
shì guān​yú yì​guó liàn, yě jiù​shì yī​duì qíng​lǚ, liǎng gè rén lái​zì bù​tóng de guó​jiā huò​zhě shì bù​tóng de wén​huà bèi​jǐng, tè​bié shì xiàng wǒ gēn A lma wǒ zhè​biān de qíng​kuàng : wǒ shì xiāng​dāng​yú tǔ​shēng​tǔ​zhǎng de Zhōng​guó rén, wǒ shì Shàng​hǎi zhǎng​dà, rán​hòu dì​yī​cì chū​guó qí​shí shì 23 suì Dà​xué bì​yè yǐ​hòu cái chū​guó liú​xué, rán​hòu xiàn​zài wǒ de lǎo​gōng dà​jiā yě zhī​dào wǒ jià gěi le yí gè Měi​guó rén, rán​hòu wǒ​men zhù zài Oū​zhōu, suǒ​yǐ wǒ​men liǎng gè zhī​jiān de relationship, qíng​lǚ guān​xi zhī​jiān yǒu de shí​hou yě huì chū​xiàn yī​xiē wén​huà chā​yì, rán​hòu A lma de qíng​kuàng nǐ yě kě : gēn dà​jiā jiè​shào yī​xià, rán​hòu xiǎng liáo liáo guān​yú wén​huà chā​yì de huà​tí.
It’s about foreign love, that is, a couple, two people from different countries or different cultural backgrounds, especially the situation like mine and Alma: I am equivalent to a native Chinese, I grew up in Shanghai , and the first time I went abroad was actually after I graduated from college at the age of 23, I went to study abroad. Now my husband, as everyone knows, I married an American, and we lived in Europe, so the relationship between the two of us was a couple. Sometimes there will be some cultural differences. Then in Alma’s case, you can also: introduce it to everyone, and then want to talk about the topic of cultural differences.

Alma 02:51: 对，我觉得这个话题真的很有意思，因为我的情况是我其实跟你差不多，我也是大概二十一二岁的时候开始出国，因为我刚开始其实是18岁之后到了香港去读书，然后香港还算是一个中西方文化交集的一个地方，然后等到22岁去到瑞士之后，认识了菲利普，跟意大利人开始谈恋爱，然后中间就出现了很多次需要磨合的地方。
A lma 02 :51 : duì, wǒ jué​de zhè​ge huà​tí zhēn de hěn yǒu​yì​si, yīn​wèi wǒ de qíng​kuàng shì wǒ qí​shí gēn nǐ chà​bu​duō, wǒ yě shì dà​gài èr​shí yī​’èr suì de shí​hou kāi​shǐ chū​guó, yīn​wèi wǒ gāng kāi​shǐ qí​shí shì 18 suì zhī​hòu dào le Xiāng​gǎng qù dú​shū, rán​hòu Xiāng​gǎng hái suàn​shì yí gè zhōng Xī​fāng wén​huà jiāo​jí de yí gè dì​fāng, rán​hòu děng​dào 22 suì qù dào Ruì​shì zhī​hòu, rèn​shi le Fēi lì pǔ, gēn Yì​dà​lì​rén kāi​shǐ tán​liàn​’ài, rán​hòu zhōng​jiān jiù chū​xiàn le hěn duō​cì xū​yào mó​hé de dì​fāng.
Alma 02:51: Yes, I think this topic is really interesting, because my situation is that I am actually similar to you. I also started going abroad when I was about 21 or 2 years old, because I actually arrived after I turned 18. I went to study in Hong Kong, and Hong Kong is a place where Chinese and Western cultures intersect. Then I went to Switzerland at the age of 22, met Philippe, and started falling in love with an Italian. Then there were many things that needed to be reconciled.

尽管是像菲利普这种中文说得很好，对中国文化有非常深的了解的人，我觉得还是会出现情侣之间很多的文化差异。
jǐn​guǎn shì xiàng Fēi lì pǔ zhè​zhǒng Zhōng​wén shuō de hěn hǎo, duì Zhōng​guó wén​huà yǒu fēi​cháng shēn de liǎo​jiě de rén, wǒ jué​de hái​shi huì chū​xiàn qíng​lǚ zhī​jiān hěn duō de wén​huà chā​yì.
Even though someone like Philip speaks Chinese very well and has a very deep understanding of Chinese culture, I think there will still be many cultural differences between couples.

Xinqing 03:37: 其实我觉得像我们两个这样的恋爱关系里面，已经算是怎么说两个人走得比较近的，比如说我跟Alma都属于在国外受过教育，也居住了一段时间，然后我们两个人的男朋友或者伴侣其实是会说中文在中国居住过，对中国有了解，但即便如此，生活当中还是有需要磨合的地方。
Xinqing 03 :37 : qí​shí wǒ jué​de xiàng wǒ​men liǎng gè zhè​yàng de liàn​’ài guān​xi lǐ​miàn, yǐ​jīng suàn​shì zěn​me shuō liǎng gè rén zǒu de bǐ​jiào jìn de, bǐ​rú shuō wǒ gēn A lma dōu shǔ​yú zài guó​wài shòu guò jiào​yù, yě jū​zhù le yí duàn shí​jiān, rán​hòu wǒ​men liǎng gè rén de nán​péng​you huò​zhě bàn​lǚ qí​shí shì huì shuō Zhōng​wén zài Zhōng​guó jū​zhù guò, duì Zhōng​guó yǒu liǎo​jiě, dàn jí​biàn rú​cǐ, shēng​huó dāng​zhōng hái​shi yǒu xū​yào mó​hé de dì​fāng.
Xinqing 03:37: In fact, I think in a relationship like the two of us, we can already say that two people are relatively close. For example, Alma and I were both educated abroad and lived for a period of time, and then we The boyfriends or partners of the two people can actually speak Chinese, have lived in China, and have an understanding of China, but even so, there are still areas that need to be adjusted in life.

Alma 04:10: 对是的。
A lma 04 :10 : duì shì de.
Alma 04:10: Yes.

Xinqing 04:11: 比如说我先问你之后我也可以分享一下我的情况，Alma你觉得对你来: 最大的需要磨合的地方，或者可能出现争吵比较大的地方会是什么？
Xinqing 04 :11 : bǐ​rú shuō wǒ xiān wèn nǐ zhī​hòu wǒ yě kě​yǐ fēn​xiǎng yī​xià wǒ de qíng​kuàng, A lma nǐ jué​de duì nǐ lái : zuì dà de xū​yào mó​hé de dì​fāng, huò​zhě kě​néng chū​xiàn zhēng​chǎo bǐ​jiào dà de dì​fāng huì shì shén​me?
Xinqing 04:11: For example, after I ask you first, I can also share my situation. Alma, what do you think is the biggest area that needs to be reconciled, or where there may be more quarrels?

Alma 04:23: 我觉得其实有很多种类，我觉得从一个比较肤浅的，但是其实对生活息息相关的事情，吃饭时间的问题，中国人和南欧人可能就是真的这个点上真的很难磨合。
A lma 04 :23 : wǒ jué​de qí​shí yǒu hěn duō zhǒng​lèi, wǒ jué​de cóng yí gè bǐ​jiào fū​qiǎn de, dàn​shì qí​shí duì shēng​huó xī​xī​xiāng​guān de shì​qing, chī​fàn shí​jiān de wèn​tí, Zhōng​guó rén hé Nán​Oū rén kě​néng jiù​shì zhēn de zhè​ge diǎn shàng zhēn de hěn nán mó​hé.
Alma 04:23: I think there are actually many types. I think it is really difficult to get along with the Chinese and Southern Europeans from the perspective of things that are relatively superficial, but are actually closely related to life, such as the issue of meal time. .

比如说我吃早饭，我吃晚饭的时间特别早，可能我下午五六点钟我就想要吃晚饭，然后我想我就是吃饭的时间和睡觉时间之间隔的时间比较长，因为我觉得这样比较健康，然后对于意大利人来讲，他们可能晚上9:00 10:00才吃晚饭，然后刚开始我们在一起开始生活的时候，或者是开始尽管刚开始谈恋爱的时候已经开始很难磨合了，就找不到一个可以一起共进晚餐的时间，我觉得这件事情就还挺重要的。
bǐ​rú shuō wǒ chī zǎo​fàn, wǒ chī wǎn​fàn de shí​jiān tè​bié zǎo, kě​néng wǒ xià​wǔ wǔ liù diǎn​zhōng wǒ jiù xiǎng​yào chī wǎn​fàn, rán​hòu wǒ xiǎng wǒ jiù​shì chī​fàn de shí​jiān hé shuì​jiào shí​jiān zhī​jiān gé de shí​jiān bǐ​jiào cháng, yīn​wèi wǒ jué​de zhè​yàng bǐ​jiào jiàn​kāng, rán​hòu duì​yú Yì​dà​lì​rén lái​jiǎng, tā​men kě​néng wǎn​shang 9 :00 10 :00 cái chī wǎn​fàn, rán​hòu gāng kāi​shǐ wǒ​men zài yī​qǐ kāi​shǐ shēng​huó de shí​hou, huò​zhě shì kāi​shǐ jǐn​guǎn gāng kāi​shǐ tán​liàn​’ài de shí​hou yǐ​jīng kāi​shǐ hěn nán mó​hé le, jiù zhǎo bù​dào yí gè kě​yǐ yī​qǐ gòng jìn wǎn​cān de shí​jiān, wǒ jué​de zhè jiàn shì​qing jiù hái tǐng zhòng​yào de.
For example, I have breakfast and dinner very early. Maybe I want to have dinner at five or six o’clock in the afternoon. Then I think the time between eating time and bedtime is relatively long, because I feel like this It is relatively healthy, and for Italians, they may not have dinner until 9:00 or 10:00 in the evening, and then when we start living together, or even at the beginning, it is already difficult to get along when we first start falling in love. , I can’t find a time to have dinner together. I think this matter is quite important.

但是又说到更深层次一点，可能会在一些理观念上面会很不同。
dàn​shì yòu shuō dào gèng shēn​céng​cì yī​diǎn, kě​néng huì zài yī​xiē lǐ guān​niàn shàng​miàn huì hěn bù​tóng.
But when it comes to a deeper level, some concepts may be very different.

我就说一个例子，这个例子我其实还跟菲利波进行过长达两年的讨论，从我们关系刚开始的时候一直讨论到两年之后，我们都是其实没有办法找到一个比较好的折中的点，所以这个还没有找到折中的点。
wǒ jiù shuō yí gè lì​zi, zhè​ge lì​zi wǒ qí​shí hái gēn Fēi lì bō jìn​xíng guò cháng dá liǎng nián de tǎo​lùn, cóng wǒ​men guān​xi gāng kāi​shǐ de shí​hou yī​zhí tǎo​lùn dào liǎng nián zhī​hòu, wǒ​men dōu shì qí​shí méi​yǒu bàn​fǎ zhǎo​dào yí gè bǐ​jiào hǎo de zhé​zhōng de diǎn, suǒ​yǐ zhè​ge hái méi​yǒu zhǎo​dào zhé​zhōng de diǎn.
Let me give you an example. In this case, I actually had a two-year discussion with Filippo. From the beginning of our relationship to two years later, we were unable to find a better compromise. middle point, so the middle point has not yet been found.

Xinqing 05:49: 就是一个ongoing的。
Xinqing 05 :49 : jiù​shì yí gè ongoing de.
Xinqing 05:49: It’s an ongoing one.

Alma 05:51: 我觉得可能我们找到了解决对于我们两个暂时来讲适合的解决方式，但是我们没有找到一个答案，所以可以说来听一听看一下你的想法是怎么样子的。
A lma 05 :51 : wǒ jué​de kě​néng wǒ​men zhǎo​dào le jiě​jué duì​yú wǒ​men liǎng gè zàn​shí lái​jiǎng shì​hé de jiě​jué fāng​shì, dàn​shì wǒ​men méi​yǒu zhǎo​dào yí gè dá​’àn, suǒ​yǐ kě​yǐ shuō lái tīng yì tīng kàn yī​xià nǐ de xiǎng​fǎ shì zěn​me yàng​zi de.
Alma 05:51: I think we may have found a solution that is suitable for the two of us for the time being, but we have not found an answer, so I would like to hear what you think.

我觉得对于至少我来讲，或者是我认识的大多的东亚文化圈的人来讲，我们有一个习惯，比如说你跟上一段恋情结束之后，你就会删掉你的社交网站上关于上一任的那些照片，特别是那种很亲密的合照。
wǒ jué​de duì​yú zhì​shǎo wǒ lái​jiǎng, huò​zhě shì wǒ rèn​shi de dà​duō de Dōng​yà wén​huà​quān de rén lái​jiǎng, wǒ​men yǒu yí gè xí​guàn, bǐ​rú shuō nǐ gēn​shàng yí duàn liàn​qíng jié​shù zhī​hòu, nǐ jiù huì shān​diào nǐ de shè​jiāo wǎng​zhàn shàng guān​yú shàng yí rèn de nà​xiē zhào​piàn, tè​bié shì nà​zhǒng hěn qīn​mì de hé​zhào.
I think for at least me, or most people I know in East Asian cultural circles, we have a habit. For example, after you end a relationship, you will delete your posts about it on social networking sites. Those photos of Yi Ren, especially those very intimate group photos.

然后我就发现这件事情在意大利人的社交网站上面是不存在的，就是我刚跟菲利普开始谈恋爱的时候，他的社交网站上面还保留着大量的他他的前女友的和他的所有的亲密合照。
rán​hòu wǒ jiù fā​xiàn zhè jiàn shì​qing zài Yì​dà​lì​rén de shè​jiāo wǎng​zhàn shàng​miàn shì bù cún​zài de, jiù​shì wǒ gāng gēn Fēi lì pǔ kāi​shǐ tán​liàn​’ài de shí​hou, tā de shè​jiāo wǎng​zhàn shàng​miàn hái bǎo​liú zhe dà​liàng de tā tā de qián nǚ​yǒu de hé tā de suǒ​yǒu de qīn​mì hé​zhào.
Then I discovered that this matter did not exist on Italian social networking sites. When Philip and I first started dating, his social networking sites still contained a large number of his, his ex-girlfriend’s and all his belongings. intimate photo.

然后这件事情在我看来刚开始的时候，其实我就不是很接受的了，然后我就把这件事情拿出来跟他说，然后他就很反感，然后他就觉得说其实在他们的文化里面，你跟前任要是是闹掰了分手的，你才会想要把它删掉。
rán​hòu zhè jiàn shì​qing zài​wǒ​kàn lái gāng kāi​shǐ de shí​hou, qí​shí wǒ jiù bù​shì hěn jiē​shòu de le, rán​hòu wǒ jiù bǎ zhè jiàn shì​qing ná chū​lái gēn tā shuō, rán​hòu tā jiù hěn fǎn​gǎn, rán​hòu tā jiù jué​de shuō qí​shí zài tā​men de wén​huà lǐ​miàn, nǐ gēn​qián rèn yào​shi shì nào bāi le fēn​shǒu de, nǐ cái huì xiǎng​yào bǎ tā shān​diào.
Then in my opinion, when this matter first started, I actually didn’t accept it very much. Then I brought it up and told him, and then he was very disgusted. Then he felt that speaking about it was actually under their control. In culture, if you and your ex broke up and broke up, you would want to delete it.

要是是和平分手，它属于你生命轨迹中的一个印记，它就是大家还是会就是当做是一件美好的东西，把它继续珍藏着。
yào​shi shì Hé​píng fēn​shǒu, tā shǔ​yú nǐ shēng​mìng guǐ​jì zhōng de yí gè yìn​jì, tā jiù​shì dà​jiā hái​shi huì jiù​shì dàng​zuò shì yí jiàn měi​hǎo de dōng​xi, bǎ tā jì​xù zhēn​cáng zhe.
If it is a peaceful breakup, it will be a mark in the trajectory of your life, and everyone will still regard it as a beautiful thing and continue to treasure it.

然后对于我来讲，我觉得一只有一点叫做文化的冲突，对于我来讲的话，可能会觉得说你还留着之前的前任的照片是不是觉得还放不下，或者是你对于我来，你是不是没有对我足够的committed？
rán​hòu duì​yú wǒ lái​jiǎng, wǒ jué​de yì zhī yǒu yī​diǎn jiào​zuò wén​huà de chōng​tū, duì​yú wǒ lái​jiǎng de​huà, kě​néng huì jué​de shuō nǐ hái liú zhe zhī​qián de qián​rèn de zhào​piàn shì​bù​shì jué​de hái fàng​bu​xià, huò​zhě shì nǐ duì​yú wǒ lái, nǐ shì​bù​shì méi​yǒu duì wǒ zú​gòu de committed?
And for me, I think there is a little bit called a cultural conflict. For me, I may feel that if you still have photos of your previous ex, do you still feel that you can’t let go of them? Or, for me, you Have you not committed enough to me?

对这个是纷争主要的点。
duì zhè​ge shì fēn​zhēng zhǔ​yào de diǎn.
This is the main point of dispute.

然后我觉得他其实说深了的话可以挖得更深，因为我们之后讨论的是他觉得我把这件事情拿出来跟他说，他也感觉受到了冒犯，因为他觉得我不应该去dictate，就是我不应该去告诉他你应该怎么样，放你的social media的内容，就是他想干什么他就干什么，他我觉得这个其实底层来讲，它还是一个比较自由的个人主义的。
rán​hòu wǒ jué​de tā qí​shí shuō shēn le de​huà kě​yǐ wā de gēng​shēn, yīn​wèi wǒ​men zhī​hòu tǎo​lùn de shì tā jué​de wǒ bǎ zhè jiàn shì​qing ná chū​lái gēn tā shuō, tā yě gǎn​jué shòu​dào le mào​fàn, yīn​wèi tā jué​de wǒ bù yīng​gāi qù dictate, jiù​shì wǒ bù yīng​gāi qù gào​sù tā nǐ yīng​gāi zěn​me​yàng, fàng nǐ de social media de nèi​róng, jiù​shì tā xiǎng gàn​shén​me tā jiù gàn​shén​me, tā wǒ jué​de zhè​ge qí​shí dǐ​céng lái​jiǎng, tā hái​shi yí gè bǐ​jiào zì​yóu de gè​rén​zhǔ​yì de.
Then I felt that he could dig deeper if he said it deeply, because what we discussed later was that he felt offended when I brought this matter up to him, because he felt that I should not dictate, that is I shouldn’t tell him what you should do, just post your social media content so that he can do whatever he wants. I think this is actually a relatively free individualism at the bottom level.

Xinqing 08:04: Individualism的感觉。
Xinqing 08 :04 : Individualism de gǎn​jué.
Xinqing 08:04: The feeling of Individualism.

Alma 08:06: 对一个很individualism，一个很个人主义，就是我自己想干什么，你不能来干涉我，你想要干什么你也不能够我也不会去干涉你，然后我就觉得可就感觉像就有一点一家人在说两家话的感觉，让我又觉得其实很难接受，为什么我不能够干涉你？
A lma 08 :06 : duì yí gè hěn individualism, yí gè hěn gè​rén​zhǔ​yì, jiù​shì wǒ zì​jǐ xiǎng gàn​shén​me, nǐ bù​néng lái gān​shè wǒ, nǐ xiǎng​yào gàn​shén​me nǐ yě bù néng​gòu wǒ yě bù​huì qù gān​shè nǐ, rán​hòu wǒ jiù jué​de kě jiù gǎn​jué xiàng jiù yǒu yī​diǎn yī​jiā​rén zài shuō liǎng jiā huà de gǎn​jué, ràng wǒ yòu jué​de qí​shí hěn nán jiē​shòu, wèi​shén​me wǒ bù néng​gòu gān​shè nǐ?
Alma 08:06: For a person who is very individualistic and a person who is very individualistic, that is, you can’t interfere with me in whatever I want to do. You can’t do anything you want, and I won’t interfere with you. Then I feel that I can’t interfere with you. It feels like one family talking about two different things, which makes me find it hard to accept. Why can’t I interfere with you?

因为我们已经在一段亲密关系之中，我觉得我们两个需要互相的去理解对方的出发点上，然后如果我感对这件事情感到非常的不舒服的话，你是不是应该能够至少去体谅我，或者是我们两个能够一起商量一下，能够有什么办法，但是他来讲的话，就是说我想坚持我自己做的，我不想听你说的任何的所谓的你说是你的文化也好，或者是你想要干涉我也好，他都不想要听。
yīn​wèi wǒ​men yǐ​jīng zài yí duàn qīn​mì guān​xi zhī​zhōng, wǒ jué​de wǒ​men liǎng gè xū​yào hù​xiāng de qù lǐ​jiě duì​fāng de chū​fā​diǎn shàng, rán​hòu rú​guǒ wǒ gǎn duì zhè jiàn shì​qing gǎn​dào fēi​cháng de bù shū​fu de​huà, nǐ shì​bù​shì yīng​gāi néng​gòu zhì​shǎo qù tǐ​liàng wǒ, huò​zhě shì wǒ​men liǎng gè néng​gòu yī​qǐ shāng​liang yī​xià, néng​gòu yǒu shén​me bàn​fǎ, dàn​shì tā lái​jiǎng de​huà, jiù​shì​shuō wǒ xiǎng jiān​chí wǒ zì​jǐ zuò de, wǒ bù​xiǎng tīng nǐ shuō de rèn​hé de suǒ​wèi de nǐ shuō shì nǐ de wén​huà yě hǎo, huò​zhě shì nǐ xiǎng​yào gān​shè wǒ yě hǎo, tā dōu bù xiǎng​yào tīng.
Because we are already in an intimate relationship, I think the two of us need to understand each other’s starting point, and if I feel very uncomfortable about this matter, should you be able to at least understand me? Or the two of us can discuss together and find out what we can do. But what he said is that I want to stick to what I do, and I don’t want to listen to anything you say. Whether you say it’s your culture or not, Or if you want to interfere with me, he doesn’t want to hear it.

Xinqing 08:57: 我觉得你说的深层的问题其实还挺普遍的，就对我来说我们两个争吵的比较大的地方，可能不是关于exactly前任的照片或者关系，但是挖深了跟你的冲突是一样的，也是说有一些我到底应不应该干涉他的生活选择，到底要就是说怎么样尊重对方的生活的一种style，生活方式或者生活选择。
Xinqing 08 :57 : wǒ jué​de nǐ shuō de shēn​céng de wèn​tí qí​shí hái tǐng pǔ​biàn de, jiù duì wǒ lái shuō wǒ​men liǎng gè zhēng​chǎo de bǐ​jiào dà de dì​fāng, kě​néng bù​shì guān​yú exactly qián​rèn de zhào​piàn huò​zhě guān​xi, dàn​shì wā shēn le gēn nǐ de chōng​tū shì yī​yàng de, yě shì shuō yǒu yī​xiē wǒ dào​dǐ yīng bù yīng​gāi gān​shè tā de shēng​huó xuǎn​zé, dào​dǐ yào jiù​shì​shuō zěn​me​yàng zūn​zhòng duì​fāng de shēng​huó de yī​zhǒng style, shēng​huó fāng​shì huò​zhě shēng​huó xuǎn​zé.
Xinqing 08:57: I think the deep-seated issues you mentioned are actually quite common. For me, the biggest quarrel between the two of us may not be about the exact photos or relationship with my ex, but I dig deeper with you. The conflict is the same. It also involves whether I should interfere with his life choices or how to respect the other person’s style, lifestyle or life choices.

对，但我觉得你具体的问题也挺有意思的，我想我还有正好听的时候有两个问题，一个是可能我觉得这个话题他分几类，一一类是说有一些人他还是会跟前任保持联系，比如说有一些regular的发下消息或者生日的时候到祝贺，或甚至更加紧频繁的一些联系，这是一类。
duì, dàn wǒ jué​de nǐ jù​tǐ de wèn​tí yě tǐng yǒu​yì​si de, wǒ xiǎng wǒ hái​yǒu zhèng​hǎo tīng de shí​hou yǒu liǎng gè wèn​tí, yí gè shì kě​néng wǒ jué​de zhè​ge huà​tí tā fēn jǐ lèi, yì yī​lèi shì shuō yǒu yī​xiē rén tā hái​shi huì gēn​qián rèn bǎo​chí lián​xì, bǐ​rú shuō yǒu yī​xiē regular de fā xià xiāo​xi huò​zhě shēng​rì de shí​hou dào zhù​hè, huò shèn​zhì gèng jiā​jǐn pín​fán de yī​xiē lián​xì, zhè shì yī​lèi.
Yes, but I think your specific question is quite interesting. I think I have two questions while listening. One is that maybe I think this topic is divided into several categories. One category means that there are some people who are still Keeping in touch with your ex, such as sending regular messages or congratulations on birthdays, or even more frequent contact, this is one category.

这是我不能接受的，是我的红线。
zhè shì wǒ bù​néng jiē​shòu de, shì wǒ de hóng​xiàn.
This is unacceptable to me and is my red line.

然后第二类是在社交媒体上还是会有原来前任的照片。
rán​hòu dì​’èr lèi shì zài shè​jiāo méi​tǐ shàng hái​shi huì yǒu yuán​lái qián​rèn de zhào​piàn.
Then the second category is that there will still be photos of the original ex on social media.

第三类可能是社交媒体上没有或者删掉了，但是自己手机上或者本地还是会保存原来前任的照片，所以我觉得这三个层次上来说，我是可以理解并且接受在自己本地的手机上还保留前任的照片，我其实也会保留一些，我会删掉一些比较露骨的或者删掉，如果特别多的话我会删掉一些，但是我也觉得说这个人是我过去生命中一段重要的经历和回忆，我可能会留一些，但其实我同意你说的，可能社交媒体上我会删掉一些。
dì sān lèi kě​néng shì shè​jiāo méi​tǐ shàng méi​yǒu huò​zhě shān​diào le, dàn​shì zì​jǐ shǒu​jī shàng huò​zhě běn​dì hái​shi huì bǎo​cún yuán​lái qián​rèn de zhào​piàn, suǒ​yǐ wǒ jué​de zhè sān gè céng​cì shàng lái shuō, wǒ shì kě​yǐ lǐ​jiě bìng​qiě jiē​shòu zài zì​jǐ běn​dì de shǒu​jī shàng hái bǎo​liú qián​rèn de zhào​piàn, wǒ qí​shí yě huì bǎo​liú yī​xiē, wǒ huì shān​diào yī​xiē bǐ​jiào lù​gǔ de huò​zhě shān​diào, rú​guǒ tè​bié duō de​huà wǒ huì shān​diào yī​xiē, dàn​shì wǒ yě jué​de shuō zhè​ge rén shì wǒ guò​qù shēng​mìng zhōng yí duàn zhòng​yào de jīng​lì hé huí​yì, wǒ kě​néng huì liú yī​xiē, dàn qí​shí wǒ tóng​yì nǐ shuō de, kě​néng shè​jiāo méi​tǐ shàng wǒ huì shān​diào yī​xiē.
The third type may be those who do not have or delete them on social media, but they still have photos of their ex on their mobile phone or locally. So I think from these three levels, I can understand and accept it on my local mobile phone. I still keep photos of my ex. In fact, I will keep some. I will delete some of the more explicit ones or delete them. If there are too many, I will delete some. But I also feel that this person is an important part of my past life. I may keep some of my experiences and memories, but actually I agree with what you said, maybe I will delete some of them on social media.

Alma 10:37: 对，我觉得当时就很搞笑的一点，就是我们关系最开始的时候，我们就因为这个，就在吵架，基本上就是在吵架，然后他又来反驳我的理由，就是你看谁就是指他的另外一个意大利朋友，他的朋友圈最多前任的照片的，然后他说你看谁这个也是，然后我觉得他这种方式让我感觉到这真的不是他一个人的问题，这是一个文化层面上的一个不同。
A lma 10 :37 : duì, wǒ jué​de dāng​shí jiù hěn gǎo​xiào de yī​diǎn, jiù​shì wǒ​men guān​xi zuì kāi​shǐ de shí​hou, wǒ​men jiù yīn​wèi zhè​ge, jiù zài chǎo​jià, jī​běn​shang jiù​shì zài chǎo​jià, rán​hòu tā yòu lái fǎn​bó wǒ de lǐ​yóu, jiù​shì nǐ kàn shéi jiù​shì zhǐ tā de lìng​wài yí gè Yì​dà​lì péng​you, tā de Péng​you​quān zuì duō qián​rèn de zhào​piàn de, rán​hòu tā shuō nǐ kàn shéi zhè​ge yě shì, rán​hòu wǒ jué​de tā zhè​zhǒng fāng​shì ràng wǒ gǎn​jué dào zhè zhēn de bù​shì tā yí gè rén de wèn​tí, zhè shì yí gè wén​huà​céng miàn shàng de yí gè bù​tóng.
Alma 10:37: Yeah, I think what was very funny at the time was that at the beginning of our relationship, we were arguing because of this, basically arguing, and then he came back to refute my reason, which was you The person he is looking at refers to another Italian friend of his, who has the most photos of his exes in his circle of friends. Then he said the same thing about who he is looking at. Then I think his way made me feel that this is really not his problem alone. , this is a difference on a cultural level.

然后其实这个会让我稍微比较放心一点就是说，不是他自己真的可能还在留恋或是怎么样的，如果真的很多像他这样的文化背景的人都是这样做的话，可能真的就是我们不能够太狭隘的去理解他为什么这样做了，对，但是我觉得其实另外一方面，我觉得这种对于文化冲突或者是这种文化不同的怎么样去面对这些事情，不应该是一个人的努力，而是双方共同的努力。
rán​hòu qí​shí zhè​ge huì ràng wǒ shāo​wēi bǐ​jiào fàng​xīn yī​diǎn jiù​shì​shuō, bù​shì tā zì​jǐ zhēn de kě​néng hái zài liú​liàn huò​shì zěn​me​yàng de, rú​guǒ zhēn de hěn duō xiàng tā zhè​yàng de wén​huà bèi​jǐng de rén dōu shì zhè​yàng zuò de​huà, kě​néng zhēn de jiù​shì wǒ​men bù néng​gòu tài xiá​’ài de qù lǐ​jiě tā wèi​shén​me zhè​yàng zuò le, duì, dàn​shì wǒ jué​de qí​shí lìng​wài yī​fāng​miàn, wǒ jué​de zhè​zhǒng duì​yú wén​huà chōng​tū huò​zhě shì zhè​zhǒng wén​huà bù​tóng de zěn​me​yàng qù miàn​duì zhè​xiē shì​qing, bù yīng​gāi shì yí gè rén de nǔ​lì, ér​shì shuāng​fāng gòng​tóng de nǔ​lì.
And actually this makes me feel a little more at ease, that is, he may still be nostalgic or something, but if many people with cultural backgrounds like him do this, then maybe he really is. We can’t be too narrow to understand why he did this, yes, but I think on the other hand, I think this kind of cultural conflict or how to face these things when cultures are different should not be a question. It is not a human effort, but a joint effort by both parties.

那么我在展示我的理解的时候，我在想对方是不是也可以去做一些事情，让我心里更好受一点，然后这个是我们两个一直还在探索的点，反正我们最后的解决的途径，其实我就let it go了，我就没有再管了，我我就不讨论这件事情了，然后我就让它继续放着，然后后面其实我们之后两三年关系也很稳定的发展，然后我们回头再看，其实这件事情没有成为我们两个之间的阻碍，但是为什么我们最初的时候会为这件事情有那么大的纷争，我觉得这个还是挺有意思的。
nà​me wǒ zài zhǎn​shì wǒ de lǐ​jiě de shí​hou, wǒ zài xiǎng duì​fāng shì​bù​shì yě kě​yǐ qù zuò yī​xiē shì​qing, ràng wǒ xīn​li gèng hǎo shòu yī​diǎn, rán​hòu zhè​ge shì wǒ​men liǎng gè yī​zhí hái zài tàn​suǒ de diǎn, fǎn​zhèng wǒ​men zuì​hòu de jiě​jué de tú​jìng, qí​shí wǒ jiù let it go le, wǒ jiù méi​yǒu zài guǎn le, wǒ wǒ jiù bù tǎo​lùn zhè jiàn shì​qing le, rán​hòu wǒ jiù ràng tā jì​xù fàng zhe, rán​hòu hòu​miàn qí​shí wǒ​men zhī​hòu liǎng sān nián guān​xi yě hěn wěn​dìng de fā​zhǎn, rán​hòu wǒ​men huí​tóu zài kàn, qí​shí zhè jiàn shì​qing méi​yǒu chéng​wéi wǒ​men liǎng gè zhī​jiān de zǔ​’ài, dàn​shì wèi​shén​me wǒ​men zuì​chū de shí​hou huì wèi zhè jiàn shì​qing yǒu nà​me dà de fēn​zhēng, wǒ jué​de zhè​ge hái​shi tǐng yǒu​yì​si de.
So when I was showing my understanding, I was wondering if the other party could also do something to make me feel better. Then this is a point that the two of us have been exploring. Anyway, our final solution , in fact, I just let it go, I didn’t care about it anymore, I won’t discuss the matter, and then I just let it go, and then our relationship actually developed very steadily in the next two or three years. Then we looked back and found that this matter actually did not become an obstacle between the two of us, but why we had such a big dispute about this matter in the first place, I think this is quite interesting.

Xinqing 12:23: 对，我觉得归根到底还是回到你说的更深层的问题，到底两个人婚姻或者是关系当中肯定要有磨合，要做一些让步，但是你应该做多少的让步，多少妥协，然后包括怎么样去沟通这个问题，我觉得这一点上文化上是有差异的。
Xinqing 12 :23 : duì, wǒ jué​de guī​gēn​dào​dǐ hái​shi huí​dào nǐ shuō de gèng shēn​céng de wèn​tí, dào​dǐ liǎng gè rén hūn​yīn huò​zhě shì guān​xi dāng​zhōng kěn​dìng yào yǒu mó​hé, yào zuò yī​xiē ràng​bù, dàn​shì nǐ yīng​gāi zuò duō​shǎo de ràng​bù, duō​shǎo tuǒ​xié, rán​hòu bāo​kuò zěn​me​yàng qù gōu​tōng zhè​ge wèn​tí, wǒ jué​de zhè yī​diǎn shàng wén​huà shàng shì yǒu chā​yì de.
Xinqing 12:23: Yes, I think in the final analysis it comes back to the deeper issue you mentioned. In the end, there must be some running-in and some compromises in a marriage or relationship between two people, but how much concessions and how many compromises should you make? , and then including how to communicate this issue. I think there are cultural differences on this point.

对我拿我的例子来说，我们俩肯定生活习惯上也有区别，一开始我就会吵架生气，然后我的理由一般是如果你不怎么怎么做，或者如果你不怎么怎么为我改变，我就会很生气。
duì wǒ ná wǒ de lì​zi lái shuō, wǒ​men liǎ kěn​dìng shēng​huó xí​guàn shàng yě yǒu qū​bié, yì kāi​shǐ wǒ jiù huì chǎo​jià shēng​qì, rán​hòu wǒ de lǐ​yóu yī​bān shì rú​guǒ nǐ bù​zěn​me zěn​me zuò, huò​zhě rú​guǒ nǐ bù​zěn​me zěn​me wèi wǒ gǎi​biàn, wǒ jiù huì hěn shēng​qì.
For my example, we must have different living habits. I would argue and get angry at the beginning, and my reason is usually that if you don’t do much, or if you don’t change for me, I will Will be very angry.

然后David 他就说他很不喜欢这样的措辞，因为这样听起来是我在威胁他，然后他那边的感受是如果他不做，他就会害怕失去我。
rán​hòu David tā jiù shuō tā hěn bù xǐ​huan zhè​yàng de cuò​cí, yīn​wèi zhè​yàng tīng qǐ​lai shì wǒ zài wēi​xié tā, rán​hòu tā nà​bian de gǎn​shòu shì rú​guǒ tā bú zuò, tā jiù huì hài​pà shī​qù wǒ.
Then David said that he didn’t like the wording because it sounded like I was threatening him, and his feeling was that if he didn’t do it, he would be afraid of losing me.

然后后来我们两个经过很多轮的讨论以后，他就教会我去换一种说法，我现在就会说，如果你做什么会让我感到很高兴，我就会说I would really appreciate if you do this in that，然后让整个的氛围和基调改变了。
rán​hòu hòu​lái wǒ​men liǎng gè jīng​guò hěn duō lún de tǎo​lùn yǐ​hòu, tā jiù jiāo​huì wǒ qù huàn yī​zhǒng shuō​fǎ, wǒ xiàn​zài jiù huì shuō, rú​guǒ nǐ zuò shén​me huì ràng wǒ gǎn​dào hěn gāo​xìng, wǒ jiù huì shuō I would really appreciate if you do this in that, rán​hòu ràng zhěng​gè de fēn​wéi hé jī​diào gǎi​biàn le.
Then after many rounds of discussions between the two of us, he taught me to change my words. I will now say, if you do something that will make me happy, I will say I would really appreciate if you do this in that, and the whole atmosphere and tone changed.

然后说因为我们两个都想让对方更开心，我们希望能够做让对方开心的事情。
rán​hòu shuō yīn​wèi wǒ​men liǎng gè dōu xiǎng ràng duì​fāng gèng kāi​xīn, wǒ​men xī​wàng néng​gòu zuò ràng duì​fāng kāi​xīn de shì​qing.
Then say that because we both want to make each other happier, we want to be able to do things that make each other happy.

然后这个就会变成一个out of joy instead of out of fear，我就学会了沟通技巧。
rán​hòu zhè​ge jiù huì biàn​chéng yí gè out of joy instead of out of fear, wǒ jiù xué​huì le gōu​tōng jì​qiǎo.
Then this will become an out of joy instead of out of fear, and I will learn communication skills.

Alma 13:50: 我觉得这个很实用，有没有更多的这种，其实我觉得很多时候，其实我觉得关系中的两个人可能尽管他们文化不同，但他们的本心都是好的，只不过是怎么样沟通让他们就这两颗心把它并在一起，我觉得就很难，你有没有更多的这种沟通小技巧，我也好想学一下。
A lma 13 :50 : wǒ jué​de zhè​ge hěn shí​yòng, yǒu​méi​yǒu gèng duō de zhè​zhǒng, qí​shí wǒ jué​de hěn duō shí​hou, qí​shí wǒ jué​de guān​xi zhōng de liǎng gè rén kě​néng jǐn​guǎn tā​men wén​huà bù​tóng, dàn tā​men de běn xīn dōu shì hǎo de, zhǐ​bu​guò shì zěn​me​yàng gōu​tōng ràng tā​men jiù zhè liǎng kē xīn bǎ tā bìng zài yī​qǐ, wǒ jué​de jiù hěn nán, nǐ yǒu​méi​yǒu gèng duō de zhè​zhǒng gōu​tōng xiǎo jì​qiǎo, wǒ yě hǎo xiǎng xué yī​xià.
Alma 13:50: I think this is very practical. Are there more like this? In fact, I think that many times, I actually think that two people in a relationship may have good intentions even though they have different cultures. But how to communicate and let them put these two hearts together, I think is very difficult. Do you have more communication skills like this? I really want to learn them.

Xinqing 14:16: 我在想我也举个例子，另外一个事情对我们两个文化上面差异比较大的比较凸显的是，我觉得中国人或者说东亚文化，我们都是非常的collectivism，就换一句话说我们会很在意别人的感受，然后比如说出去吃火锅，跟朋友一起，我会一直关注其他人，我是不是需要给他们递筷子，他们是不是需要餐巾纸，然后我也会期待我有这么一个expectation，其他人也会来关注到我。
Xinqing 14 :16 : wǒ zài xiǎng wǒ yě jǔ gè lì​zi, lìng​wài yí gè shì​qing duì wǒ​men liǎng gè wén​huà shàng​miàn chā​yì bǐ​jiào dà de bǐ​jiào tū​xiǎn de shì, wǒ jué​de Zhōng​guó rén huò​zhě shuō Dōng​yà wén​huà, wǒ​men dōu shì fēi​cháng de collectivism, jiù huàn yī​jù huà shuō wǒ​men huì hěn zài​yì bié​ren de gǎn​shòu, rán​hòu bǐ​rú shuō chū​qù chī huǒ​guō, gēn péng​you yī​qǐ, wǒ huì yī​zhí guān​zhù qí​tā rén, wǒ shì​bù​shì xū​yào gěi tā​men dì kuài​zi, tā​men shì​bù​shì xū​yào cān​jīn​zhǐ, rán​hòu wǒ yě huì qī​dài wǒ yǒu zhè​me yí gè expectation, qí​tā rén yě huì lái guān​zhù dào wǒ.
Xinqing 14:16: I was thinking about giving an example. Another thing that highlights the big differences between our two cultures is that I think Chinese people or East Asian cultures are very collectivist. Let’s change it. In one sentence, we will care about other people’s feelings. For example, if we go out to eat hot pot with friends, I will always pay attention to other people. Do I need to pass them chopsticks, do they need napkins, and then I will also expect that I have With such an expectation, other people will also pay attention to me.

举一个例子，比如说有一次我们跟他的朋友出去徒步，在雪里面hiking，然后其实我走不动，然后我觉得很累，这个时候我就会期望我会自然的期待他的朋友会注意到这件事情，然后会停下来，但实际上没有任何人注意到我走不动了，然后他们就继续往前走，然后我老公他也继续往前走，我就一直咬着牙坚持下来，因为在我的文化里我会觉得我不想拖后腿，我也不想自己去说这个事情，我只希望有人能够注意到我，特别是我老公应该替我来说这个事情，然后后来我们就吵架，然后他就会说这个是你自己的事情，你应该自己去说，你不想走了，为什么？
jǔ yí gè lì​zi, bǐ​rú shuō yǒu yī​cì wǒ​men gēn tā de péng​you chū​qù tú​bù, zài xuě lǐ​miàn hiking, rán​hòu qí​shí wǒ zǒu bù​dòng, rán​hòu wǒ jué​de hěn lèi, zhè​ge shí​hou wǒ jiù huì qī​wàng wǒ huì zì​rán de qī​dài tā de péng​you huì zhù​yì dào zhè jiàn shì​qing, rán​hòu huì tíng​xià​lái, dàn shí​jì​shàng méi​yǒu rèn​hé rén zhù​yì dào wǒ zǒu bù​dòng le, rán​hòu tā​men jiù jì​xù wǎng​qián zǒu, rán​hòu wǒ lǎo​gōng tā yě jì​xù wǎng​qián zǒu, wǒ jiù yī​zhí yǎo zhe yá jiān​chí xià​lai, yīn​wèi zài wǒ de wén​huà lǐ wǒ huì jué​de wǒ bù​xiǎng tuō​hòu​tuǐ, wǒ yě bù​xiǎng zì​jǐ qù shuō zhè​ge shì​qing, wǒ zhǐ xī​wàng yǒu​rén néng​gòu zhù​yì dào wǒ, tè​bié shì wǒ lǎo​gōng yīng​gāi tì wǒ lái shuō zhè​ge shì​qing, rán​hòu hòu​lái wǒ​men jiù chǎo​jià, rán​hòu tā jiù huì shuō zhè​ge shì nǐ zì​jǐ de shì​qing, nǐ yīng​gāi zì​jǐ qù shuō, nǐ bù​xiǎng zǒu le, wèi​shén​me?
To give an example, let’s say one time we went hiking with his friend, hiking in the snow, and then I actually couldn’t walk, and then I felt very tired. At this time, I would expect that I would naturally expect that his friend would pay attention. When this happens, I will stop, but no one actually notices that I can’t walk anymore, and then they continue to move forward, and then my husband also continues to move forward, and I just grit my teeth and persevere. , because in my culture I feel that I don’t want to be held back, and I don’t want to talk about it myself. I just hope that someone will notice me, especially my husband who should talk about it for me, and then we quarrel. Then he will say that this is your own business, you should say it yourself, you don’t want to leave, why?

你要把这个责任推到我的身上，让我来注意到你，然后我觉得这也是一个非常有趣的文化上的差异。
nǐ yào bǎ zhè​ge zé​rèn tuī dào wǒ de shēn​shang, ràng wǒ lái zhù​yì dào nǐ, rán​hòu wǒ jué​de zhè yě shì yí gè fēi​cháng yǒu​qù de wén​huà shàng de chā​yì.
You have to put this responsibility on me and let me pay attention to you, and then I think this is also a very interesting cultural difference.

Alma 15:44: 我觉得这个事情我也经历过，我也经历过真的很类似，我记得有一次我们出去玩也是跟他的一帮朋友，然后我真的特别饿，但是我不想说，因为他们吃饭吃得很晚，感觉到那个问题。
A lma 15 :44 : wǒ jué​de zhè​ge shì​qing wǒ yě jīng​lì guò, wǒ yě jīng​lì guò zhēn de hěn lèi​sì, wǒ jì​de yǒu yī​cì wǒ​men chū​qù wán yě shì gēn tā de yì bāng péng​you, rán​hòu wǒ zhēn de tè​bié è, dàn​shì wǒ bù​xiǎng shuō, yīn​wèi tā​men chī​fàn chī de hěn wǎn, gǎn​jué dào nà​ge wèn​tí.
Alma 15:44: I think I’ve experienced this too, and it’s really similar. I remember one time we went out with a group of his friends, and I was really hungry, but I didn’t want to say it. Because they ate very late, they felt that problem.

然后我当时饿的我都要晕了，然后我就很期待菲利普能够注意到这件事情，但是我觉得他就是一直在说我，他就偷偷的跟我说说你饿你先吃点东西，然后我说我不想我自己就单独的去吃饭，我想跟你们一起吃饭，对吧？
rán​hòu wǒ dāng​shí è de wǒ dōu yào yūn le, rán​hòu wǒ jiù hěn qī​dài Fēi lì pǔ néng​gòu zhù​yì dào zhè jiàn shì​qing, dàn​shì wǒ jué​de tā jiù​shì yī​zhí zài shuō wǒ, tā jiù tōu​tōu de gēn wǒ shuō shuō nǐ è nǐ xiān chī diǎn dōng​xi, rán​hòu wǒ shuō wǒ bù​xiǎng wǒ zì​jǐ jiù dān​dú de qù chī​fàn, wǒ xiǎng gēn nǐ​men yī​qǐ chī​fàn, duì ba?
Then I was so hungry that I almost fainted, and then I was really expecting Philip to notice this, but I felt that he just kept talking about me, so he secretly told me that you are hungry, eat something first, Then I said that I didn’t want to eat alone. I wanted to eat with you, right?

然后我就想让他去当桥梁，让他去提议他的朋友们早一点吃饭，然后但是他就会觉得说这是你自己的事情，然后你应该跟他们说或者你应该提出你的要求，但是我自己就很不好意思，我觉得就很相似这样的经历，就是我希望别人能够注意到我又但是我觉得其实换一种话来讲，也可以说是有一点傲娇，或者说就是有一点在耍小脾气，或者是有一点怎么讲，我忘了中文词叫什么，感觉你其实自己有需要，但你自己又不想说，你感觉还挺讨人厌的是吧？
rán​hòu wǒ jiù xiǎng ràng tā qù dāng qiáo​liáng, ràng tā qù tí​yì tā de péng​you men zǎo yī​diǎn chī​fàn, rán​hòu dàn​shì tā jiù huì jué​de shuō zhè shì nǐ zì​jǐ de shì​qing, rán​hòu nǐ yīng​gāi gēn tā​men shuō huò​zhě nǐ yīng​gāi tí​chū nǐ de yāo​qiú, dàn​shì wǒ zì​jǐ jiù hěn bù​hǎo​yì​si, wǒ jué​de jiù hěn xiāng​sì zhè​yàng de jīng​lì, jiù​shì wǒ xī​wàng bié​ren néng​gòu zhù​yì dào wǒ yòu dàn​shì wǒ jué​de qí​shí huàn yī​zhǒng huà lái​jiǎng, yě kě​yǐ shuō shì yǒu yī​diǎn ào jiāo, huò​zhě shuō jiù​shì yǒu yī​diǎn zài shuǎ xiǎo pí​qi, huò​zhě shì yǒu yī​diǎn zěn​me jiǎng, wǒ wàng le Zhōng​wén cí jiào shén​me, gǎn​jué nǐ qí​shí zì​jǐ yǒu xū​yào, dàn nǐ zì​jǐ yòu bù​xiǎng shuō, nǐ gǎn​jué hái tǐng tǎo​rén​yàn de shì ba?
Then I wanted him to be a bridge and ask his friends to suggest that they eat earlier. Then he would feel that this is your own business, and then you should tell them or you should make your request. But I am very embarrassed myself. I think it is very similar to this experience, that is, I hope others can notice me, but I think in other words, it can also be said to be a bit arrogant, or just a bit arrogant. A little bit of a tantrum, or how to put it, I forgot the Chinese word for it. I feel like you actually have needs, but you don’t want to say it yourself. You feel quite annoying, right?

Xinqing 16:53: 我有一点说你是我的老公，你应该保护我，你应该注意到我，我就是小公主，然后我自己不想说我的要求，但我觉得另外一一方面是我会因为我们都习惯了别人在我们的文化里面，在我们出去跟中国朋友玩，他们一定会注意到就没有人需要把他的需求非常明显的非常explicit说出来，因为所有人都在不停地关注其他人，而我觉得在国外的文化里，比如说美国这边，大家就是enjoy themselves，自己玩得好，然后如果你有什么需求，你就要明确的口头上跟别人说出来，所以他们就习惯了。
Xinqing 16 :53 : wǒ yǒu yī​diǎn shuō nǐ shì wǒ de lǎo​gōng, nǐ yīng​gāi bǎo​hù wǒ, nǐ yīng​gāi zhù​yì dào wǒ, wǒ jiù​shì xiǎo gōng​zhǔ, rán​hòu wǒ zì​jǐ bù​xiǎng shuō wǒ de yāo​qiú, dàn wǒ jué​de lìng​wài yì yī​fāng​miàn shì wǒ huì yīn​wèi wǒ​men dōu xí​guàn le bié​ren zài wǒ​men de wén​huà lǐ​miàn, zài wǒ​men chū​qù gēn Zhōng​guó péng​you wán, tā​men yī​dìng huì zhù​yì dào jiù méi​yǒu rén xū​yào bǎ tā de xū​qiú fēi​cháng míng​xiǎn de fēi​cháng explicit shuō chū​lái, yīn​wèi suǒ​yǒu rén dōu zài bù​tíng de guān​zhù qí​tā rén, ér wǒ jué​de zài guó​wài de wén​huà lǐ, bǐ​rú shuō Měi​guó zhè​biān, dà​jiā jiù​shì enjoy themselves, zì​jǐ wán de hǎo, rán​hòu rú​guǒ nǐ yǒu shén​me xū​qiú, nǐ jiù​yào míng​què de kǒu​tóu shàng gēn bié​ren shuō chū​lái, suǒ​yǐ tā​men jiù xí​guàn le.
Xinqing 16:53: One thing I said is that you are my husband, you should protect me, you should pay attention to me, I am the little princess, and I don’t want to say my requirements, but I think on the other hand, I will Because we are all used to other people in our culture, when we go out to play with Chinese friends, they will definitely notice that no one needs to express their needs very clearly and explicitly, because everyone is paying attention non-stop. Others, I think in foreign cultures, such as here in the United States, everyone just enjoys themselves and plays well by themselves, and then if you have any needs, you have to tell others clearly verbally, so they got used to.

Alma 17:39: 明白你这件事情是怎么去bridge。
A lma 17 :39 : míng​bai nǐ zhè jiàn shì​qing shì zěn​me qù bridge.
Alma 17:39: I understand how you got to the bridge.

Culture difference你是怎么样去找到一个折中点的？
Culture difference nǐ shì zěn​me​yàng qù zhǎo​dào yí gè zhé​zhōng diǎn de?
Culture difference How do you find a compromise?

Xinqing 17:50: 这个是也挺有趣的，我们后来我们开发了一个我们的小怎么说小暗号，每当这样的情况出现的时候，比如说我们在一群朋友，我有一些不舒服或者我不开心，或者我饿了或者我走不动了，我就会捏他的肩膀，然后他就知道有什么事情需要关注到我。
Xinqing 17 :50 : zhè​ge shì yě tǐng yǒu​qù de, wǒ​men hòu​lái wǒ​men kāi​fā le yí gè wǒ​men de xiǎo zěn​me shuō xiǎo àn​hào, měi​dāng zhè​yàng de qíng​kuàng chū​xiàn de shí​hou, bǐ​rú shuō wǒ​men zài yì qún péng​you, wǒ yǒu yī​xiē bù shū​fu huò​zhě wǒ bù kāi​xīn, huò​zhě wǒ è le huò​zhě wǒ zǒu bù​dòng le, wǒ jiù huì niē tā de jiān​bǎng, rán​hòu tā jiù zhī​dào yǒu shén​me shì​qing xū​yào guān​zhù dào wǒ.
Xinqing 17:50: This is quite interesting. Later we developed a secret code of ours. Whenever a situation like this occurs, for example, when we are in a group of friends, I feel a little uncomfortable or I don’t feel comfortable. When I’m happy, or I’m hungry or I can’t walk, I’ll squeeze his shoulder, and then he knows there’s something that needs my attention.

我就会在说话的时候假装搂着他的肩，搂着他的手臂，然后我就会轻轻地捏一下他的上臂，这个很管用的，现在很多次都是这样子。
wǒ jiù huì zài shuō​huà de shí​hou jiǎ​zhuāng lǒu zhe tā de jiān, lǒu zhe tā de shǒu​bì, rán​hòu wǒ jiù huì qīng​qīng de niē yī​xià tā de shàng bì, zhè​ge hěn guǎn​yòng de, xiàn​zài hěn duō​cì dōu shì zhè yàng​zi.
I would pretend to hold his shoulders and arms while talking, and then I would gently squeeze his upper arm. This worked very well, and it happens many times now.

Alma 18:33: 我觉得很有意思，我觉得重点是其实你们两个人很好的 identify到了你们的问题的在哪里，就在于你可能又不好意思说，然后另外一个人又很难的去主动的去注意到，然后你们就找到这样的一个小方式，我觉得还挺好的，很有借鉴意义。
A lma 18 :33 : wǒ jué​de hěn yǒu yì​si, wǒ jué​de zhòng​diǎn shì qí​shí nǐ​men liǎng gè rén hěn hǎo de identify dào le nǐ​men de wèn​tí de zài nǎ​lǐ, jiù zài​yú nǐ kě​néng yòu bù​hǎo​yì​si shuō, rán​hòu lìng​wài yí gè rén yòu hěn nán de qù zhǔ​dòng de qù zhù​yì dào, rán​hòu nǐ​men jiù zhǎo​dào zhè​yàng de yí gè xiǎo fāng​shì, wǒ jué​de hái tǐng hǎo de, hěn yǒu jiè​jiàn yì​yì.
Alma 18:33: I think it’s very interesting. I think the point is that the two of you can actually identify your problem very well. It’s that you may be embarrassed to say it, and it’s difficult for the other person to take the initiative. Pay attention, and then you will find such a small method. I think it is quite good and has great reference value.

Xinqing 18:53: 我觉得重点是我很不喜欢在一堆人的面前表现出我不开心，因为我很不想说毁了气氛，所以就要找一个非常subtle非常微妙的暗号来在我们两个之间沟通。
Xinqing 18 :53 : wǒ jué​de zhòng​diǎn shì wǒ hěn bù xǐ​huan zài yī​duī rén de miàn​qián biǎo​xiàn chū wǒ bù kāi​xīn, yīn​wèi wǒ hěn bù​xiǎng shuō huǐ le qì​fēn, suǒ​yǐ jiù​yào zhǎo yí gè fēi​cháng subtle fēi​cháng wēi​miào de àn​hào lái zài wǒ​men liǎng gè zhī​jiān gōu​tōng.
Xinqing 18:53: I think the point is that I don’t like to show that I’m unhappy in front of a bunch of people, because I don’t want to ruin the atmosphere, so I have to find a very subtle and very subtle code to communicate between the two of us. communicate between.

对，反正就有好多，然后最后慢慢的我觉得也是有找到解决方案，但我特别想回答你的第一个问题，所以后来关于吃饭时间的问题，你们有没有找到解决方案？
duì, fǎn​zhèng jiù yǒu hǎo​duō, rán​hòu zuì​hòu màn​màn de wǒ jué​de yě shì yǒu zhǎo​dào jiě​jué fāng​’àn, dàn wǒ tè​bié xiǎng huí​dá nǐ de dì​yī gè wèn​tí, suǒ​yǐ hòu​lái guān​yú chī​fàn shí​jiān de wèn​tí, nǐ​men yǒu​méi​yǒu zhǎo​dào jiě​jué fāng​’àn?
Yes, there are many anyway, and eventually I think I found a solution. But I especially want to answer your first question, so regarding the meal time issue, have you found a solution?

Alma 19:25: 我觉得我们其实后面就变成大概7:00左右吃了，还是有互相磨合，然后他可能也变得更加中国味一点了，然后我可能也变得更加意大利味一点了，我觉得吃饭时间就找到了一个中间点，这个还是比较简单直接的，就是两个人各退一步。
A lma 19 :25 : wǒ jué​de wǒ​men qí​shí hòu​miàn jiù biàn​chéng dà​gài 7 :00 zuǒ​yòu chī le, hái​shi yǒu hù​xiāng mó​hé, rán​hòu tā kě​néng yě biàn​de gèng​jiā Zhōng​guó wèi yī​diǎn le, rán​hòu wǒ kě​néng yě biàn​de gèng​jiā Yì​dà​lì wèi yī​diǎn le, wǒ jué​de chī​fàn shí​jiān jiù zhǎo​dào le yí gè zhōng​jiān diǎn, zhè​ge hái​shi bǐ​jiào jiǎn​dān zhí​jiē de, jiù​shì liǎng gè rén gè tuì yí bù.
Alma 19:25: I think we actually started eating around 7:00, and we still got along with each other. Then he might have become more Chinese, and then I might have become more Italian. I think we have found a middle point during meal time. This is relatively simple and straightforward, that is, both of us take a step back.

Xinqing 19:48: 对，我觉得的解决方案是两个人各退一步。
Xinqing 19 :48 : duì, wǒ jué​de de jiě​jué fāng​’àn shì liǎng gè rén gè tuì yí bù.
Xinqing 19:48: Yes, I think the solution is for both of us to take a step back.

还有一类解决方案，我们两个有一些事情上的解决方案就是各做各的，如果说他喜欢现在我们中饭就不在一起吃，因为我们找不到统一的，因为我是12点吃中饭，他是2点吃中饭，然后我们就各吃各的。
hái​yǒu yī​lèi jiě​jué fāng​’àn, wǒ​men liǎng gè yǒu yī​xiē shì​qing shàng de jiě​jué fāng​’àn jiù​shì gè zuò gè de, rú​guǒ shuō tā xǐ​huan xiàn​zài wǒ​men zhōng​fàn jiù bú zài yī​qǐ chī, yīn​wèi wǒ​men zhǎo bù​dào tǒng​yī de, yīn​wèi wǒ shì 12 diǎn chī zhōng​fàn, tā shì 2 diǎn chī zhōng​fàn, rán​hòu wǒ​men jiù gè chī gè de.
There is another kind of solution. The solution for the two of us is to do our own things. If he likes it, we won’t eat lunch together because we can’t find a unified one, because I eat lunch at 12 o’clock. He had lunch at 2 o’clock, and then we each had our own meals.

明白。
míng​bai.
clear.

Alma 20:12: 这个也是另外一个解决方案，就是我觉得其实情侣之间也不一定什么事情都要一起做，各自保留自己的空间也挺好的。
A lma 20 :12 : zhè​ge yě shì lìng​wài yí gè jiě​jué fāng​’àn, jiù​shì wǒ jué​de qí​shí qíng​lǚ zhī​jiān yě bù yī​dìng shén​me shì​qing dōu yào yī​qǐ zuò, gè​zì bǎo​liú zì​jǐ de kōng​jiān yě tǐng hǎo de.
Alma 20:12: This is another solution. I think couples don’t necessarily have to do everything together. It’s good for each of them to keep their own space.

Xinqing 20:23: 挺有意思的，居然有这么多相似的挑战。
Xinqing 20 :23 : tǐng yǒu​yì​si de, jū​rán yǒu zhè​me duō xiāng​sì de tiǎo​zhàn.
Xinqing 20:23: It’s quite interesting that there are so many similar challenges.

Alma 20:32: 对，然后其实我觉得可能你之后还可以录一期，就是找一个外国嘉宾的视角，就看他们对于他们的中国伴侣，觉得对于他们来讲最大的文化差异在哪里？
A lma 20 :32 : duì, rán​hòu qí​shí wǒ jué​de kě​néng nǐ zhī​hòu hái kě​yǐ lù yì qī, jiù​shì zhǎo yí gè wài​guó jiā​bīn de shì​jiǎo, jiù kàn tā​men duì​yú tā​men de Zhōng​guó bàn​lǚ, jué​de duì​yú tā​men lái​jiǎng zuì dà de wén​huà chā​yì zài nǎ​lǐ?
Alma 20:32: Yes, and actually I think you might be able to record an episode later, that is, find the perspective of a foreign guest, and see what they think about their Chinese partners. What are the biggest cultural differences for them?

Xinqing 20:46: 不然我下次找菲利普再聊一期。
Xinqing 20 :46 : bù​rán wǒ xià​cì zhǎo Fēi lì pǔ zài liáo yì qī.
Xinqing 20:46: Otherwise, I will have another chat with Philip next time.

Alma 20:49: 他可能有特别多吐槽。
A lma 20 :49 : tā kě​néng yǒu tè​bié duō tǔ cáo.
Alma 20:49: He probably has a lot to complain about.

Xinqing 20:55: 对，我们说的其实都是一些生活上的东西，然后今天肯定没时间深聊，我自己觉得另外一个大的是文化或政治上上经常会有一些摩擦，特别是跟他跟他没有，但是跟他的朋友或者他的家人这一块还是经常会有一些讨论。
Xinqing 20 :55 : duì, wǒ​men shuō de qí​shí dōu shì yī​xiē shēng​huó shàng de dōng​xi, rán​hòu jīn​tiān kěn​dìng méi shí​jiān shēn liáo, wǒ zì​jǐ jué​de lìng​wài yí gè dà de shì wén​huà huò zhèng​zhì shàng shàng jīng​cháng huì yǒu yī​xiē mó​cā, tè​bié shì gēn tā gēn tā méi​yǒu, dàn​shì gēn tā de péng​you huò​zhě tā de jiā​rén zhè yī​kuài hái​shi jīng​cháng huì yǒu yī​xiē tǎo​lùn.
Xinqing 20:55: Yes, what we are talking about are actually some things in life, and I definitely don’t have time to talk in depth today. I think another big problem is that there are often some frictions in culture or politics, especially with him. Not with him, but there are still some discussions with his friends or his family.

Alma 21:17: 对，我觉得这块的话我倒还好，因为可能我们会避免这个问题，然后另外一个可能我的意大利语也没有那么的有没有能够达到能够讨论政治问题的水平，所以我们基本上就停留在生活的寒暄就差不多了。
A lma 21 :17 : duì, wǒ jué​de zhè kuài de​huà wǒ dào hái​hǎo, yīn​wèi kě​néng wǒ​men huì bì​miǎn zhè​ge wèn​tí, rán​hòu lìng​wài yí gè kě​néng wǒ de Yì​dà​lì​yǔ yě méi​yǒu nà​me de yǒu​méi​yǒu néng​gòu dá​dào néng​gòu tǎo​lùn zhèng​zhì wèn​tí de shuǐ​píng, suǒ​yǐ wǒ​men jī​běn​shang jiù tíng​liú zài shēng​huó de hán​xuān jiù chà​bu​duō le.
Alma 21:17: Yes, I think I’m fine in this case, because maybe we can avoid this problem, and then another possibility is that my Italian is not that good enough to discuss political issues, so we Basically, it just stays at the small talk of daily life.

Xinqing 21:36: 好的，谢谢Alma特别今天很有意思的这个话题，特别感谢。
Xinqing 21 :36 : hǎo de, xiè​xie A lma tè​bié jīn​tiān hěn yǒu​yì​si de zhè​ge huà​tí, tè​bié​gǎn​xiè.
Xinqing 21:36: Okay, thank you Alma for this very interesting topic today. Thank you very much.

Alma 21:44: 谢谢感谢您的邀请。
A lma 21 :44 : xiè​xie gǎn​xiè nín de yāo​qǐng.
Alma 21:44: Thank you thank you for having me.

Xinqing 21:48: 好，我今天就到这里。
Xinqing 21 :48 : hǎo, wǒ jīn​tiān jiù dào zhè​lǐ.
Xinqing 21:48: Okay, that’s it for today.

大家拜拜。
dà​jiā bái​bái.
Goodbye everyone.